


Trust Me

by Twilightmum69



Category: Twilight
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:32:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilightmum69/pseuds/Twilightmum69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlisle Cullen, meets a scared Edward.. a young man on the streets alone, during his shift on the suicide chat page he becomes driven to save Edward, but he too has demons will Edward end up saving Carlisle? Can a friendship become more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I adopted this bunny from Janet Quinsey, thanks so much for allowing me to continue your idea.

What can I say, at times this may be hard to read, but please trust me :)

I own nothing…only the continuation of a great idea.

Thanks as usual to my beta texasbella who has the patience of a saint, and my pre reader Matt.

CPOV

Anyone there?

The words appear on my screen.

Yes, I'm here. 

I type rapidly.

Do you need to talk to someone?

I wait.

I've just gotten home from my shift in the ER at the hospital and logged into the forum site where I, along with many others, take chat sessions with suicidal or depressed people of all ages. I would like to say that I save everyone I chat with…but not all days go so perfectly.

I'm scared

I can see that this one is not too chatty.

Of what?

I wait again.

Sometimes people are bursting to talk, and with some, like this one is turning out to be, getting information from them is like pulling teeth.

I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself.

Thank you for coming here first. Why do you want to hurt yourself?

Nobody loves me.

Everyone says that. It's rarely true, but I have to assess the situation so I pick a couple of phrases from the manual to keep the conversation going.

The most important part of this job is to keep them talking.

Why would you say that? Is someone hurting you?

I don't have anyone to hurt me anymore.

Yep, like pulling teeth. I try again.

Can you tell me more? Did someone leave you, break your heart? Girlfriend or boyfriend issues?

I killed my dad and my mom kicked me out.

Whoa! Hold on; what? Calm down, Cullen, and ask clarifying questions.

What do you mean you killed your dad? 

I type cautiously as my hand reaches for my phone just in case.

I told him I was gay and he had a heart attack and died. Now I should die.

Whew. See, clarifying questions. Now keep him talking.

No, that isn't how this works.

I killed him. My mother told me I did. If I was normal he wouldn't have died.

You are normal.

No, I am gay!

Gay is normal for you. There is nothing wrong with being gay.

How would you know?

I'm gay.

Ya right. Says some anonymous person behind a keyboard.

Now make a connection, but don't get too personal.

My name is Carlisle. I am a 30 year old gay man and I had to come out to my parents once too.

I don't believe you.

Why should you?

Sorry what?

Why should you believe me? All I can say is that I remember feeling really alone and confused. I thought I would have a little support in my mother but I knew my dad would have issues with it. I put it off for as long as I could. Turns out I was right. My father beat the shit out of me and sent me out into the world with only the clothes on my back.

And your mom?

Well, she killed herself.

…

Are you still there? I'm sorry. I know that was a lot to say. 

…

Hello? What is your name anyway?

…

You don't have to tell me. I would like to know what to call you. You can make one up if you like.

...

Just call me Lost, I'm sorry about your mom.

I was starting to worry I had lost him.

It's okay. It was something I had to learn to come to terms with, that it wasn't anymore my fault than your dad's death is yours.

Biting my lip, I shake away the guilt. How can I tell these people you can come to terms with things like this when I still suffer the nightmares?

Whatever.

So erm…Lost, do you have some place you can go tonight? Any friends you can stay with, or any other relatives?

No. We're new here and I don't know anyone that well yet.

What town are you in? I will try to find you a shelter.

Port Angeles,Washington.

I shuffle through my files trying to find him a shelter. I know it's going to be difficult in such a small town, maybe the nearest one will be Seattle.

I'm in luck as I type the address quickly

Serenity House Shelter on Vine Street, do you know where that is?

…

Lost?

…

Oh please don't let me have lost him. I tap my fingers nervously along the keys thinking of a lifeline I can throw out to him.

My knee bounces as the minutes tick by...

Hello, erm… are you still there?

Yes, he's back! I am fisting my hand to reduce the cramps of twelve hour days as I type furiously.

I'm glad your back, I thought you had gone somewhere.

I have nowhere to go, I'm so scared.

Please don't be scared, talk to me, you can talk to me all night… I don't mind.

So what, you sit there all day waiting to talk to freaks like me?

You're not a freak, and no, I do this part time.

Oh

I'm a doctor.

I type, rubbing the back of my aching neck.

Shrink?

I chuckle as I knew he would think that.

No. I clarify.

I look at my watch and it's nearly 9pm, I stretch popping my joints, waiting.

I…erm…I…

What is it Lost? You can tell me anything, I won't judge you.

I cut myself

I sigh, rubbing my face with the heels of my hands.

How long?

?

How long have you been cutting yourself?

I'm scared

I know you are, please talk to me, talk to me about anything.

I'm afraid I'm pushing him, asking too many leading questions.

What's your favourite flavour of Ice cream?

Sorry?

Ice cream…what flavour?

Erm...Mint chocolate chip

I smile inwardly, mine too.

I have to go, its closing...

I sit bolt upright in my chair, closing? What's closing?

Closing?

…

Lost?

…

Lost, please, where are you, what's closing?

…

"Dammit!" I yell, slamming my fist onto my desk.

I stand and begin to pace. 'Closing,' he said, what would be closing?

I turn to face my bookcase, it reaches from one end of my study to the other, and then the proverbial light comes on.

"Library!" I laugh in despair of my stupidity.

Of course, how stupid of me, if his mom had kicked him out, he'd be on the streets, he had used the library computers to talk to me.

I stalk over to the liquor cabinet pouring myself three fingers of scotch; I throw it back in one enjoying the burn in my throat.

Dammit Carlisle, why didn't you get him to a shelter? my subconscious growled at me.

I lay my head back against the back of my leather chesterfield, my eyes becoming heavy…

"Mmm" I smile as Ben nuzzles his nose into that sensitive spot behind my ear.

"You like that don't you C?"

I nod, turning my head, my lips searching for his. When they find their mate, my body explodes with a myriad of emotions as I writhe underneath him, circling my hips, rubbing my clothed erection against his.

"Oh fuck, Carlisle," he whimpers as his hands find my zipper.

The cold stark air makes me shudder as it twines its icy fingers around my overheated and now exposed cock.

I mirror his actions, delving into his jeans and releasing him.

I tense for a moment, this is the farthest the two of us have ever gone, and I'm unsure.

He senses my feelings and begins to kiss me along my jawline.

"It's fine Carlisle, don't worry, Seth said he'll text me when he sees your parent's car."

I relax as he takes both our cocks into his hand and begins to stroke them slowly.

"Ungh" is the only coherent thing my brain can relay. I'm lost in this moment. So lost I don't hear the door, what I do hear is the scream.

"Carlisle Xavier Cullen, what is the meaning of this?"

The room slows down almost to a standstill as I see my father grabbing Ben's shirt and yanking him away from my bed.

Then his eyes widen, he obviously hadn't had a clear view from the doorway.

"You dirty little bastard!" he yells, throwing Ben onto the floor. I shift, but his eyes are on me, his eyes telling me to stay the fuck silent, to not move.

So I don't move, I sit there and watch my father drag Ben out of my room, the front door opens then slams shut.

My heart is matching his oncoming footsteps beat for beat, he stands in the doorway again, nostrils flared, fists balled at his sides.

His slams my door and clicks the lock.

He stalks towards me raising his fist...

My eyes fly open and I'm halfway off the sofa, my knees on the hard wooden floor, it takes me a moment to gather my equilibrium.

I pull myself up and wipe my face, sweat mixed with tears.

I rub my face. That is one of the worst nightmares I have had in a while.

Looking at my watch, I see its just past two a.m.

I stumble to my cabinet again, not bothering with the glass this time, I swig the bitter liquor.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I decide to log off of my computer.

The stark words of tonight's conversation glare at me:

I'm scared.

Nobody loves me.


	2. Chapter 2

OH MY GOD blown away with the reviews for chapter 1.

As ever I'd like to thank texasbella for being my beta.

Disclaimer: I own nothing 

EPOV

"Son we're closing, I'm sorry you'll have to leave."

I nodded, looking at the words on the screen. I typed my final sentence of the night.

I have to go it's closing...

Closing?

Came the quick reply as I pulled my hoodie out of my bag.

Lost?

The librarian cocked her head, smiling as she beckoned me with a finger.

"We're open again at nine tomorrow, dear," she smiled, patting my shoulder. "Better bundle up warm till you get home."

I smiled at her kind gesture; she wasn't to know I had nowhere to go.

"Thanks," I smiled, pulling my hood up.

Securing my duffel bag on my back, I rummaged through my pockets for what little money I had left, counting out the change quickly as my fingers numbed in the cold air.

"$37.16," I whispered, blowing into my free hand.

I had, perhaps, enough for another few days. I had rationed myself after my first splurge to two meals a day…breakfast and supper.

My stomach grumbled on cue, telling me it was time to eat. Dragging my feet to the nearest convenience store, I made my way towards the clearance aisle.

Picking up some bread, a jar of peanut butter and a can with no label, praying it wasn't pet food, I paid for my items and left.

Finding a place for the night was the easy part. Doorways weren't ideal as you were exposed to the elements as well as the sick people who prayed on the vulnerable. Also, what with me being a minor of sorts, I needed to stay away from the police.

I had found my hiding place the second night of my exile; it was under the play fort in the park.

People generally stayed away from the park at night, it wasn't safe…but I realised if I got there before dusk I was safe, hidden and invisible.

I knew which way to walk round the tree filled lanes of the park, how to avoid the park keeper and the drunks by crawling on all fours until I made my way into my refuge for the night.

The wind was howling, mocking me as I pulled my hoodie further round my ears.

My stomach grumbled again, showing its distaste for being ignored for the last 10 hours.

I opened the bread, took out two slices and tied the open end before placing it back inside my bag. The peanut butter spread easily with my Swiss army knife that dad had bought me for Christmas.

I took small bites, chewing them slowly, savouring each bite before finally swallowing it down.

I turned the can round in my hands. Maybe it was peaches? Some fruit would be awesome and I'd have a drink too.

But it would have to wait for breakfast.

The world was a scary place in the dark, especially for a 17 year old. I laid back on my bag for a pillow and closed my eyes, willing the wind to stop.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you both," I stuttered, playing with the hem of my shirt.

My father looked up from his paper, nodded, folded it twice and placed it on the edge of the table.

Mom smiled at me, putting down her book.

"Edward?" he said, waiting for me to continue.

"I…erm…well…"

"Edward dear, stand up straight," Mom chided.

Pushing my hands into my pockets, I straightened my shoulders and took a cleansing breath.

"Mom, Dad, I've thought about this, thought about how I was going to tell you, but…"

"Oh Edward," Mom interrupted, "You haven't gone and gotten that nice Swan girl pregnant have you? Oh the shame. Edward Senior, can you imagine?"

I shook my head. "What? No!"

"Hell mom, I'm not even going out with her!" I yelled.

"Language, Edward!"

"Sorry dad," I sighed, reigning in my anger.

"What is it then, Edward?"

I inhaled then exhaled a long cleansing breath, my mouth suddenly dry.

"I'm gay," I whispered.

I heard my mom squeak and run from the room into the kitchen.

"Dad, say something…please..." The silence was deafening.

"Get out," he spat, not looking up.

"Wait, what?"

"I said get out, get out of my house."

"Dad, please, this doesn't change how I feel about you or mom," I pleaded.

He slammed his hand down onto the table, making the plates and glasses chink.

"I gave you everything," he hissed.

"Dad…"

He glared at me, his icy blue eyes holding mine prisoner.

"You are dead to me," he growled, standing to his full height.

My hands balled at my sides. "If I walk out now, you will never see me again," I cussed.

He raised his hand to slap me, but I caught it mid swipe.

"You…do not get to hit me," I sobbed, furiously wiping the tears from my face with the back of my free hand.

Turning on my heels, I ran from the room before I did or said something I would regret.

Pacing in my room, packing clothes haphazardly into my duffel bag, I could hear my parent's raised voices… then came the scream.

Grabbing my bag, I ran downstairs to find my mom leaning over my dad, he was slumped against the sofa, his hand on his chest.

"Call 911!" mom screeched. Dad was a deathly grey colour.

I called 911 and moved back into the living room, where my mom knelt sobbing.

"Mom?"

"Get out," she sobbed. "You've killed him, get out!"

I didn't process what she had said, I froze.

Mom stood and turned, the look on her face; disgust.

"You deserve to die, you killed him, you brought those evil words into our home…you...fr..freak!" she spat.

"Mom?" I sobbed as I heard the sirens getting closer.

"Leave now, go and I won't tell the police it was you."

I ran, I ran and ran until my lungs were ready to explode, my chest burning as I sobbed uncontrollably. What had I done?

I woke with a jolt, my skin sweaty and tears streaming down my face. Suddenly the sound of voices halted my cries.

"Dude grab his legs, keep him still," I heard the rough voice whisper shout.

Placing my hands over my ears, the sounds muted but didn't disappear. The sounds of a scuffle made me crawl further back into the fort.

Sometimes muggings occurred during the night.

Holding my hand over my mouth, I was now trying not to breathe. I knew I should have helped him out, especially since dad had sent me to boxing...to…man me up!

Out of nowhere, the putrid smell of piss seeped through the wooden slats as the liquid began dripping close to my feet.

There was a united intake of breath before a man laughed. "He's pissed himself, eww,"

he laughed and two other voices joined him. I heard the thud of their feet and the soft padding as they ran across the sand.

The cries of the young man permeated the air, suffocating me, forcing tears to stream down my face. They fell in relief that I wasn't discovered and in guilt for me not helping the poor kid.

After a while his crying quietened and he too left the park.

My hand trembled as I pulled up my right sleeve, exposing the pink criss cross scars. I needed a fix, a release. I needed to be numb.

Pulling my pocket knife back out, I flicked the blade open, blinking my eyes to move the moisture.

"I'm sorry dad," I sniffed. "Sorry momma," I whispered into the darkness, tugging my hood round and placing it between my teeth as I brought the blade to my arm. See, I was a coward… I couldn't even cut myself without crying out.

The knife was ice cold as it slid effortlessly along the pale skin of my arm, I screamed into my hood.

I don't know if I passed out or fell asleep but I woke to the sun peeking through the slats of my refuge.

Stretching my aching body, I looked at my watch to see that it was just after eight a.m. I knew I had to eat breakfast first, and then make my way back to the library.

I opened the can, praying it wasn't pet food. I smiled when the scent of strawberries filtered from the open can. Okay, they weren't fresh but they were sweet, and the juice was a welcome relief to my dry throat.

After I had my fill, I walked to the nearest garage to wash in the rest room. Running my hands through my unruly hair, I gazed at the broken boy in the cracked mirror. Deep, dark shadows framed the tired green eyes that looked back at me.

It was an unusually bright day, there was still a winter nip in the air, but the sun was out as I strolled, looking like I didn't have a care in the world, towards the library.

I sat in the same seat as yesterday, logged on to the computer, my hands poised over the keys...

Typing in the website, I waited…would he be on so early?

Would my ray of hope be waiting for me on the other side of the screen? I scratched the new scars on my arm absentmindedly.

Taking a deep breath I typed...

Anyone there?


	3. Chapter 3

CPOV

As usual I couldn't sleep. My dream had visibly shaken me and was still playing in the back of my mind.

Put that with the worry for Lost...

I pounded my pillow in with my fist many times as I sat bolt upright, sweaty and blubbering like a baby.

I needed sleep. It was my first day off in, hell, I couldn't remember and I'd be damned if I was spending it half comatose.

Rubbing my face, I glanced over at my clock where the red, angry numbers blinked at me: 7:00 a.m.

Might as well get up.

After taking care of my needs, I was dressed and having my coffee an hour later. I was sat in front of my computer screen, fingers poised, debating. I had a piece to write in the local medical paper about coping with PTSD, I chuckled. How do you cope with PTSD? Hell if I knew.

Bringing up Word, I began to write. I was about half way through my first paragraph when a ping broke my concentration.

Minimising my work, I found I had a message. Curious as to who it may be from, I opened the chat box.

Anyone there?

I stared at those two words, he had survived the night: thank God.

Lost?

….

I rubbed my face, maybe this wasn't him, maybe he didn't make it.

Erm...yeah

Exhaling a breath I hadn't even realised I was holding, I began to dig a little deeper.

Do you think you could tell me your real name today Lost?

I waited. I didn't want to push but filling in the paperwork would be a lot easier with a real name.

Edward

I smiled; pleased he was beginning to trust me a little more, so I pushed that little bit more.

Hi Edward, thank you for telling me your name...how old are you?

Sitting back, I took a sip of my coffee and waited, these things were always a waiting game.

Why?

My brow furrowed at the answer not fitting the question.

Why what, Edward?

Why do you want to know my age, are you going to call the cops?

Cops? How old was this kid?

No Edward, if you really must know I have to fill in boring ass paperwork for every person I talk to :)

First time I have ever used a smiley, but I wanted him to know I was laughing.

Oh

I sighed, moving in another direction.

I'm guessing you are using a library computer?

Yeah

I pulled up Google maps and began looking for all the libraries with Wi Fi in Port Angeles. There were four libraries and only three had internet.

Edward?

Yeah

Have you eaten today?

Yes, I had a can of strawberries for my breakfast, just to get me through to the filet mignon I was saving for lunch.

I laughed, shaking my head, teenager!

Only a teenager could be that snarky.

19?

I hedged a guess.

Try again

18?

Try again

Jeez, how young was this kid? Rubbing my face with my hand, I typed in the next age, praying he was no younger than this.

17?

….

I took his silence as a yes, this poor kid on his own at seventeen, I'm not surprised he was scared.

Edward?

Yes, Doc I'm 17

Where did you sleep last night?

The park

Shit, he slept in the park. That was dangerous, anything could have happened to him.

Is that safe?

I'm still here

I would get back to that later; right now I needed to know if he was still scared, if he was still having the same thoughts as the previous night.

I'm glad you're still here.

I'm not, a kid got mugged on the fort above me last night by some guys, he pissed himself and it ran through the wood near my feet, maybe I should have helped, maybe they'd have beaten me, save me the trouble of...

I shivered at the mental image he had just painted. Being alone, under what I assumed was a play fort, listening to that. I re read his answer, he was clever…very cryptic. What would they have saved him the trouble of doing? Killing himself?

Edward, are you still thinking you should die, are you thinking of hurting yourself?

Thinking?

I slammed my fists down onto my desk, I needed to reach this kid and soon.

Edward, what did you do to yourself, you can tell me I promise not to judge.

…

…

Edward, please I want to help you.

Why?

Because you're lost and scared and you shouldn't feel like this, being gay isn't a crime, it's just who you are.

I'm scared

I know you are, please Edward, let me help you.

Okay what do you want to know?

I stretched out my arms and my joints popped. Giving myself a mental pat on the back, I readied myself to dig even deeper.

How long have you been on the streets Edward?

3 days

How have you been feeding yourself?

Well I've not been stealing if that's what you think?

I shook my head, mentally chastising myself . I knew I had to be more careful with how I worded my questions.

I didn't think that. I'm sorry Edward.

S'okay I had some money saved up so I have been buying the spoilt stuff in convenience stores.

How are you feeling today?

Peachy!

I had to chuckle, it was a bit of a stupid question. How would I have been at that age if my Uncle Alex hadn't taken me in?

You said you had been thinking of hurting yourself, have you?

…

Please Edward, I want to help you.

Why?

I sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands, should I tell him?

Could I tell him?

If it got him off the streets, then yes, I could. I knew it was against the rules, taking in one of your clients, but I needed to know he was safe. I needed him to know that it was okay.

My fingers hovered over the keys, but before I could type out my offer, his chat sign went off.

"Fuck!" I shouted, swiping at the paperwork in front of me so it cascaded onto the floor. Grabbing my car keys and the list I had Googled of Port Angeles libraries, threw on my jacket and headed out.

It was mid-afternoon when I reached the first library. I knew nothing of Edward's appearance so I had to go with what I had, I asked the librarian if a teenage boy had come in to use the computers. She looked at me as though I were insane, showing me the line of computers , all taken up by teenagers both male and female.

I was beginning to think I was searching for a needle in a haystack, as I crossed the first library off my list.

As I pulled into the next one it was beginning to get dark and there was a bite to the wind.

Maybe he's been here like dozens of other teenage boys? I sighed as I made my way to the entrance.

"Excuse me young man?" a soft voice said, catching my arm.

"Yes?"

"I heard you are looking for a young man, about seventeen?"

"Yes Ma'am, I am, have you seen him?"

The elderly lady pursed her lips, she was mulling something over in her head.

"I might have," she said with a curt nod. "You're not out to hurt him, are you?"

"No Ma'am, I want to help him. Please, have you seen him?" I placed my hand softly in hers, "I need to find him."

She nodded. "There was a young'un here the other night, poor boy looked half starved."

"Did you catch his name?"

She shook her head, "All I can tell you is he was in here from opening till closing."

"Sounds like him." I smiled, "Can you remember what he looked like?"

She nodded. "Oh yes, he was a lovely looking young'un, lovely manners."

I had to laugh, she must be a grandma because it was something a grandma would notice.

"Anything else?"

"Well, he needs a bit of a haircut. What is it with youngsters these days that ya can't tell a boy from a girl?" She continued, "Girls have short hair, boys have long…" it was then that she realised she was rambling.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I do go on," she chuckled. "Let's see, he had the most unusual colour of hair. It reminded me of Autumn leaves, you know, when they bronze?"

"Yeah, I know," Autumn was my favourite season, walks in the park and trips up to my cabin.

"Oh, and his eyes, oh dear me," she mock fanned her face, "He had the most beautiful green eyes." Her face saddened, "They looked sad."

I couldn't help it, I picked her up and swung her round and she let out a giggle.

"Thank you. Thank you! You may have just saved a life." I knew it was him, I don't know how, I just did.

"Where is the nearest play park?"

She pointed me in the right direction before I gave her a kiss on the cheek and bid her goodnight.

I glanced at my watch to see that it was just past six. My stomach rumbled, so I decided to pick up some fast food, hoping I would be able to share it with Edward, if, no, when I found him.

The wind was really biting tonight, making me pull my jacket farther around my neck as I walked towards the park. Noises of loitering teens and drunks filled the air, putting me on edge.

I could see the flag of a wooden fort to my left, behind some trees. My heart accelerated as I moved forwards, walking deeper into the park. I'm not surprised he's scared in here.

As I get closer to the fort, the unmistakable sound of sobbing is caught on the wind. I pick up speed then realise if I move too quickly, I'll startle him.

"Edward?" I whispered.

No answer...

"Edward?" I whispered a little louder not wanting to draw too much attention to myself.

I heard the rustle of material then the sound of a zipper, I try one last time.

"Lost?" I whispered.

Adjusting my eyes to the failing light, I see movement under the fort, a dark figure stands slowly.

"Lost?"

"Doc?" he answered with a sniff, and my heart soared. I took a tentative step towards him, he takes one back.

"Edward?"

"Doc?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, it's me."

"What are you doing here, how did you find me?" his voice is hoarse from crying.

"I came to get you."

"Get me?"

"Yeah, I want to take you away from this, take you somewhere you'll be safe."

Edward stepped forward and I could see a pair of frightened eyes.

"Trust me," I whispered, holding out a hand.

 

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	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

Lost?

Erm...yeah

I couldn't believe my luck; I knew it was early, I was hoping to catch him before he went into work.

Thoughts of talking to him again today had kept me calm...before the mugging, that is.

Do you think you could tell me your real name today Lost?

He was asking more personal questions, making my hands shake as my fingers ghosted the keys. Why did he want to know? Wasn't he supposed to just chat and say everything was fine, that things would work out blah blah blah blah …

Shaking myself and mentally chastising myself, I knew the doc wasn't like that. He didn't tell me everything would be peachy. He seemed to have a connection with me.

Edward

There I did it; he knew my name and a wave of comfort fell over me. Weird.

Hi Edward, thank you for telling me your name...how old are you?

More questions...

Why?

Why what, Edward?

Why does he want to know my name…how old I am, is he going to turn me in...can I trust anyone?

Why do you want to know my age, are you going to call the cops?

No Edward, if you really must know, I have to fill in boring ass paperwork for every person I talk to :)

Haha, he used a smiley, and I'd bet my last $20 that's it's the first time. Do you really use a smiley on a suicide chat line? I laughed softly, thinking of an old man crouching over mountains of paperwork; maybe I should give him a break.

Oh

I'm guessing you are using a library computer?

He was clever; he was piecing together parts I was unwilling to divulge.

Yeah

Edward?

Yeah

Have you eaten today?

Okay, kind of a stupid question...what am I supposed to answer? Then my teenage humour kicked in.

Yes, I had a can of strawberries for my breakfast, just to get me through to the filet mignon I was saving for lunch.

19?

Huh? Oh yes, he was clever, he's probably around teenagers a lot being a doc and he knows from my humour that I'm on the young side.

Try again

18?

Try again

Is he going to start going all parental on me when he realizes just how old I am?

17?

Dammit...what do I say?

Edward?

I sighed. I might as well come clean, if he tries anything, I can just disappear.

Yes, Doc I'm 17

Where did you sleep last night?

The park

Is that safe?

I'm still here...I sighed again.

I'm glad you're still here.

Why would he say that? He doesn't know me, I'm poison...I destroy life.

I'm not, a kid got mugged on the fort above me last night by some guys, he pissed himself and it ran through the wood near my feet, maybe I should have helped, maybe they'd have beaten me, save me the trouble of...

Edward, are you still thinking you should die, are you thinking of hurting yourself?

Thinking?

I looked down at the fresh scars. They had an angry red tinge to them that made them stand out from the older ones.

Edward, what did you do to yourself? You can tell me, I promise not to judge.

I'm not ready to answer that, I have to keep something to myself, besides he will see me as a coward. Mom and Dad always said I could tell them anything and look where that got me.

Edward, please I want to help you.

Why?

Because you're lost and scared and you shouldn't feel like this, being gay isn't a crime, it's just who you are.

I'm scared.

My hands were trembling now, and I could feel the moisture building up in my eyes. I'm so scared, I don't want to go back to the park, I don't want to be alone but I know it's what I deserve…I'm poison.

I know you are, please Edward, let me help you.

His words sounded so sincere, lulling me into a false sense of security but at that moment it was what I need.

Okay what do you want to know?

How long have you been on the streets Edward?

Okay, this is an easy one.

3 days

How have you been feeding yourself?

The hair on the back of my neck prickled. He thinks I'm stealing food. I was brought up better than that.

Well I've not been stealing if that's what you think?

I didn't think that. I'm sorry Edward.

S'okay I had some money saved up so I have been buying the spoilt stuff in convenience stores.

How are you feeling today?

Well if this isn't the dumbest question ever!

Peachy!

You said you had been thinking of hurting yourself, have you?

Not ready...

Please Edward, I want to help you.

Why?

What is it with him wanting to help me?

What's the point of accepting his help, only to be thrown away again or abandoned like a puppy after Christmas?

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my anxiety in check. Rubbing my face with my hands, I was about to take a leap of faith...when I heard a commotion in the library entrance.

"Fuck," I whimpered as a sea of students swarmed towards the IT section, of all the libraries they had to come into this one.

I could see Tyler and his friend Jared walking towards me, my form tutor was talking to a group of giggling girls.

I logged off without another thought and disappeared behind the fiction section.

When I could hear only the dull sound of voices I slipped out. What was I going to do with the rest of my day?

I decided to sit and wait for the students to leave, their next lesson was in an hour and forty-five minutes, then I'd be able to go back in.

My stomach growled and although I'd just had the strawberries, I was hungry. Pulling out the rest of my bread, I noticed it was now beginning to mold.

I shrugged and plastered it with the last of my peanut butter which, too, had begun to spoil.

Taking small bites, I could feel my stomach heave as the smell of iron hit my senses; the peanut butter was definitely off. I lunged to the nearest bush and vomited, my strawberries making an appearance too, as I heaved until only bile was left.

Sobbing, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I needed a breath mint.

The convenience store was only a block away from the library. I sifted through the spoilt goods, once more filling my arms with more unlabelled cans. These would last me longer and not spoil, turning towards the cash counter, I froze.

"Hello, Mrs Cullen, how are you this fine day?" the cashier said to the woman in front of him.

Stood not five foot away from me was my Momma. What the hell do I do?

"Great, thank you for asking," my mom said jovially.

Wait, what? It's only been three days since my father's death and she's fine?

I took an intake of breath,she was about to turn when I dropped everything and made a run for it.

I didn't stop until I was back outside the library, my eyes were streaming and I was shaking as I entered my sanctuary, my class had now gone and I made my way to the computers.

Carlisle?

Seeing as we were now on first name basis, I typed in his, it's an unusual name.

...

Where is he?

Doc?

My heart was now pounding in my chest and I felt faint as it occurred to me that he'd probably gone to work.

Hello?

Yes!

Doc?

Erm…no this is Alice, Carlisle has a day off today, can I help?

No, no, no…no one can help, I want to talk to him, to Carlisle.

No, I need him, I can't talk to anyone else.

I typed frantically; bile was beginning to rise again as my hands shook violently.

Oh sweetie, you can talk to anyone, we are all here to help.

I shook my head, chanting 'no' and a few people shushed me. I was going to throw up again.

I quickly logged off and dashed into the cool air, I was hungry and scared and I needed to get back to the park.

I have no idea how long it took me to get to my place, I don't remember one footstep I took.

I curled up into a ball, attempting to keep what little body heat I have in me. I was freezing yet my head felt as though it was on fire.

Maybe I'm sick?

Maybe tonight my prayers will be answered?

Maybe tonight I'll die!

"Edward?" I heard a faint male voice.

"Edward?"

Shit, maybe it's the cops. The shop owner could have called them thinking I had stolen something.

I reached into my duffle bag and fumbled round for my Swiss army knife, I couldn't find it.

"Lost?"

I stilled. Wait, what did he just call me? There is only one person who would call me that. Am I dreaming?

I moved from my hiding place under the fort to see a dark figure standing in front of me. I can't make out any features but the smell of burgers and fries hits my nose, and my stomach growls.

"Lost?"

"Doc?"

"Edward?"

"Doc?"

I realized I hadn't said anything else and chuckled. "Yeah, it's me."

"What are you doing here, how did you find me?"

"I came to get you."

"Get me?"

He's here for me...but why?

"Yeah, I want to take you away from this, take you somewhere you'll be safe."

I stepped forward and I could see his face a little better. He didn't look as old as I thought he was. His face had a pained expression and I knew he was waiting for me to make the first move. But I couldn't...I was warring with myself...do I really deserve to be saved?

"Trust me," he whispered, holding out a hand towards me.

And I did. I don't know why, but I took his hand and he suddenly pulled me into him, enveloping me in a scent of food and him and for a moment I am Lost!

"I found you," he sobbed into my hair.

"How?"

He pushed me back slightly as if assessing me for injuries, "It wasn't easy, but the old lady at the library said she had seen a young'un and for some reason I knew it was you."

"Why?"

He shook his head, "Not here, let's go eat somewhere. These burgers will taste like crap as they're nearly cold."

"Seriously, you're complaining that they're cold when I haven't eaten in hours?" I scoffed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

I held my hand up to stop him. "Don't worry Doc, it's cool."

He handed me the burgers and though I was starving, he's right, they do taste like crap. I turned up my nose as I tried to chew them down with a dry mouth and he laughed.

"Crap?"

I chuckled and nodded. "Crap." I threw them in the nearest trash can and walked beside him. As we were leaving the park I heard a voice call out to me.

"Hey kid, make sure he pays you first."

And I froze. Is this what he wants to save me for, so he can...have me?

Carlisle immediately caught on and his face became pained again, his eyebrows knitting together.

"I promise you, Edward, I will never touch you like that." His voice was dark; like he was completely devastated I would think that of him.

And I felt as guilty as hell. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's okay, you don't really know me." I saw a smile form on his lips.

"Where are we going?"

He turned to look at me again. "I want to take you to my home, Edward. I have more than enough room, its safe there and you will be fed and then maybe we can work on helping you?"

I shrugged. If he's good, then I'm saved. If he's really a jerk, then I get what I deserve, it's a win-win for me.

I nodded then fell into step with him. We ate at a diner, well, I inhaled my food as he smiles and picks at his.

"I'm sorry, I usually have very good table manners," I mumbled, chewing on my third helping of hot apple pie.

"No need to apologize Edward, like I said before, I've been where you are."

His eyes looked distant, and I don't push. But one day I will ask him for his story just as I know he is going to ask for mine.

He led me to his car and he's quiet, thoughtful.

The silence was comforting, and along with the heat from the car and the fullness of my stomach, I was soon doing the slow blink. I turned to him and smiled. He was actually very handsome, dark hair that stood on end a little and deep brown eyes, my thoughts were interrupted as he glanced from the road for a second and smiled back.

Maybe I do deserve to be saved...

CPOV

I took the time to really look at Edward as he inhaled his food, sat across from me in the diner. He was pale and had dark circles round his eyes.

The old lady was right, his hair was the epitome of Autumn and his eyes, even though they had lost their spark, were an amazing shade of green.

"I'm sorry, I usually have very good table manners," he mumbled, chewing on his third helping of hot apple pie.

"No need to apologize Edward, like I said before, I've been where you are." I smiled as he licked the ice cream off his spoon.

We walked to my car, I couldn't believe someone would still do this nowadays, surely people were not as narrow minded as when I came out?

He smiled at me as we drove home, I could see his eyes growing heavy as he started to slow blink and before we were even half way home, he was asleep, his head turned towards the window.

His sleep became restless as we neared home. I could see small beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. Grasping the steering wheel with one hand, I slowly placed my free hand on his head, he was burning up.

Pulling into my driveway, I tried to rouse him. He was shivering now and I went into doctor mode.

"Edward...Edward, wake up son."

I gently shook his shoulder, but he didn't respond.

"Edward, son? Please, I must get you into the house."

Still no response. He was mumbling now and I feared he might start fitting if his temperature wasn't lowered soon.

Climbing out and opening the passenger door, I carried him bridal style to the house. Fumbling with the locks, I tossed my keys down as I carried him through the front door and to my guest room.

Placing him on the bed, I considered stripping him down, and then decide against it. He really wouldn't want to wake knowing he had been stripped by a virtual stranger, doctor or not.

I checked his temperature and it's high. I couldn't give him anything as I know nothing about him medically, any allergies or treatment he may already be on. So I opt for a tepid compress that I laid on his head.

I left him for a moment to shower and change into my sweats before I grabbed a spare blanket from the linen closet and settled down in the armchair facing the bed.

My eyes became heavy as I warmed up under the blanket.

I woke suddenly when I attempted to turn over and nearly fell from the chair. Glancing at my watch, I did a double take.

I had slept for nearly ten hours. I couldn't believe it, that's the longest sleep I have had in years.

Stretching out my legs I notice him, he's tucked up into a ball. Sometime during the night he must have woken because his hoodie and jeans were on the floor. His chest rose and fell slowly, his mouth forming a little O.

That was when my life changed, that was when I knew nothing would ever be the same again.


	5. Chapter 5

Well I am overwhelmed this story is up for Best Thriller/Suspense story in the Eclipse awards, thanks for the nomm and the voting is open *wink wink*.

EPOV

My head felt like it was in a vice and I was so hot, I stripped off my top and jeans before my muffled brain remembered I was in a strange bed.

Straining my neck, I saw him; he had curled his body into a chair that was far too small to be comfortable.

His soft snores were like a lullaby to me, I was safe... for now.

With that thought I laid back into the amazingly soft pillow and closed my eyes.

My dreams were filled with my parent's faces, dragging me out of the fort and embracing me, saying they're sorry. When I smiled they laughed, saying they couldn't possibly love a freak, that I was poison and I saw my father's heart attack again, before I was taken off by the police.

My dream changed and I was sat in juvenile hall, faceless boys sat around me, hugging their parents. Then I saw him, dark hair and dark eyes walking towards me.

Carlisle stopped at my table and I moved to rise, touching his hand and he pulled it back in disgust before joining another faceless youth.

I bolted upright and I was sobbing when warm, strong hands enveloped me and I leaned into their embrace.

He didn't say a thing, he just held me close, rocking me gently.

My head ached and I was so exhausted as I slid back under the covers.

When I woke again it was dark out, a soft light filled the room from a lamp on the bedside table beside me, and there was also a bottle of water and two Advil. I took them, finishing off the water in three easy gulps.

My stomach ached, so I decided to go look for the Doc.

As I descended the stairs, I was met with the haunting sound of the Flower Duet, Lakme. I knew the piece by heart as I had played it so many times on my piano.

The house was big, the rooms looked spacious as I navigated my way through until I saw a door ajar, light was shining from it and the music began to get louder.

Quietly, I peeked in the door to find him sat at a large desk covered in paperwork; our online conversation came to mind, boring ass paperwork!

I chuckled and this alerted him to my presence, he spun in his chair to face me and I note that he looks tired.

"Hey, you should be in bed," he said softly.

I shrugged, walking into his study. "The tablets made me feel a little better, thank you by the way."

He smiled and nodded his head, I looked around and there were books everywhere, then I spied his computer.

"So this is where you talked to me from?"

"Yeah, weird huh?"

"Yeah." I was suddenly very interested in the carpet, I heard the rollers of his office chair and then his feet came into view.

"Edward?" He placed his hand under my chin and I leant into his touch.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"What on earth for?"

"For making you come and get me." He laughed and I raised my eyes, wondering what was so funny, but I didn't see humour in his face.

"Edward, nobody MADE me come get you, you needed help, I wanted to help you, I still want to help you if you'd let me?"

"Why?" I sighed, walking towards his books, running my finger down the spines.

"Because Edward, you are worth saving, my uncle saved me and I don't know where I would have ended up." He laughed but his words sounded a little bitter.

I didn't know what to say so I simply nodded.

I continued to walk around the room until I was greeted by a piano hiding under a velvet cover.

"You play?" I asked, holding up the corner of the cover as he shook his head.

"No, I inherited it with the house." He shrugged.

My fingers toyed with the hem over the cover; I was itching to lift it off. I had always been able to push my feelings into my music.

"You play?" Carlisle asked and I nodded. "Yeah, had lessons from about four years old."

"I'd like to hear you play."

"Really?"

He walked towards me, his dark eyes bright and excited. Wow, this man is really beautiful.

I shook my head. Seriously, he's old. Well not really old, but I'm only seventeen and he's thirty that's... wow, thirteen years difference.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Are you alright, do you need to rest? You did have a very high temperature last night." His face showed concern and I liked it for reasons unknown to me, he's not my father…

No, your father kicked your ass out then died…my subconscious scoffed.

"Edward?"

"Guess I'm still tired." I scratched my wrist absentmindedly. His eyes looked down to where I was scratching, his brow knitted together.

"Edward?"

"What?" I didn't mean to snap but I didn't want him to judge me.

He held out his hand, I think he was waiting for mine, to look at my scars.

"They don't hurt, just itch."

"Please?"

I sighed, holding my arm out to him, looking away as I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face.

Feather light touches ghosted over my skin, sending a warm glow around my body, making it hum.

"Edward." His voice had an air of authority now, and I couldn't not look at him.

"Please don't ever do this again."

And out popped the ugly teenage monster. Snatching my arm back, I bolted to the door.

"I didn't do it on purpose Doc," I spat. "You have no idea what it was like for me, out there!" My voice rose at the end as I stormed off upstairs, tears threatening to fall.

See, I'm poison, everything I touch… dies.

Slamming my bedroom door, I fell onto the bed sobbing. It was nice while it lasted, I thought as I heard his footsteps coming towards the room.

There came a soft knock, that surprised the hell out of me. Why the hell was he knocking, it was his house.

"Can I come in Edward?"

I sat up and wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Come in."

The door opened slowly, his face was pained, so not the reaction I was expecting.

"I'm...s…" we both said together, he chuckled and motioned for me to continue.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said what I did."

He smiled, pursing his lips. "No you shouldn't, but I shouldn't have gone all parental on you either, now can I take a proper look at them?"

I nodded, holding out my arm.

CPOV

I couldn't believe I chastised him like that, but I couldn't help myself. My doctor mode kicked in, along with my protective edge, and everything I said came out wrong.

I'd seen the results of a cutter's arm before, infection and soft tissue scars, and it scared the hell out of me to see he had actually harmed himself.

I was a little surprised by his outburst; he was stronger than I thought.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I stopped outside his door, hearing the sound of soft sobs and it killed me that I caused it.

Fix this now Carlisle! My subconscious chided.

We began to apologise at the same time and I had to laugh. I motioned for him to continue and I watched his face as he spoke. His eyes had a knack of drawing me in and I had to shake my head to focus on what he was trying to say.

He really is a beautiful boy, but that's the crux, he's a boy, he's 17, you're 30! I mentally chastised myself as he allowed me to look at his scars.

"You're lucky," I smiled, "They're clean." Pulling off the latex gloves, I reached for the bandage I was going to use to dress it.

As I touched skin on skin, my body hummed and the electricity was palpable, his eyes found mine and I think he too felt the strange connection.

"You should go get some more rest." I sighed, pushing my hands into my pockets before I lost the urge to touch his hand again.

I really needed some fresh air, so not waiting for a reply, I headed downstairs, closing the door of my study and leaning my back against it.

What the hell was I thinking?

These feeling of protectiveness must be like what a big brother would feel, right?

I tried to distract myself with my article for the journal, but the crackling flames of the fire drew me into them. I stared as they danced, bronze embers spitting onto the hearth, and all I could think about were green eyes and autumn hair.

Just big brotherly feelings.

I shook my head, turning back to the screen. I remembered how hard it was to be this age, my parents finding out, the feeling of being alone, unwanted.

I never want Edward to feel like that… Ever!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to my beta texasbella and my pre reader SimplyMatt. xxx

EPOV

Doc was right, I did need my rest. I was tired as hell and my head was fuzzy again from my lack of sleep and whatever medication he gave me.

I lie back onto my bed, pulling the cover under my chin and the movement of linen sends a scent my way.

It's masculine, like my father's, yet softer, and I can't explain why, but it makes me feel safe.

I began to slow blink, as my eyes lost the fight to stay focused and the room around me dissolved.

I was startled awake by a cry. It took me a moment to realise it was not mine, it was coming from downstairs.

Jumping up, I pulled on a T shirt as I headed off at a run towards the ground floor. I stopped outside the door of his study, it was bathed in just the light from a dying fire and I heard muffled cries. What if someone has broken in?

My scalp prickled as I waited with my hand on the handle.

I couldn't hear any additional voices and there were no sounds of a struggle. Throwing open the door, I stepped inside and what came into view was not what I expected…ever!

Doc was slumped in his large leather office chair, sobbing.

I cleared my throat to announce my arrival, but he continued to cry, oblivious.

I walked forward, so I was now beside him. He was mumbling a mantra.

"Papa, I'm sorry. Papa, I wanted to tell you and momma but I...please, Papa don't!" he whispered, his voice small and hoarse from screaming.

The room suddenly went silent, it was eerie, the calm before the storm.

His eyes flared open, causing me to jump back, before a heart wrenching scream left his lips.

His hands wrapped around his body as he began to rock, and I couldn't move. I stand there, emotionally paralysed as I watched him burn in hell.

What happened to him?

Our earlier online conversation ticket taped through my hazed brain.

My father beat the shit out of me and sent me out into the world with only the clothes on my back.

And your Mom?

She killed herself.

My own tears are now free flowing down my face, my pain intermingled with his pain.

I moved towards him, he was now rocking, crying softly.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, apprehensive of the reaction I would get if and when he awakes.

I know how embarrassed I would feel if it was me.

He visibly relaxed, almost leaning into my touch as his head fell to the desk and soft snores took the place of pained cries.

I smiled to myself knowing that I had somehow managed to get him back from the dark place he had been. Leaving him to sleep, I turned to leave.

"Edward." It was a benediction, not a question.

I turned to find his face was calm, as a small smile played on his lips.

"My saviour…Edward," he whispered and my heart jolted.

Was he seriously dreaming that I was his saviour? The man who selflessly dropped everything to save me! Could I save him, could I help keep those demons that prayed on him at night away, whilst fighting with my own?

I shook my head, I was not worthy, I was not strong enough.

I was poison and he would soon see.

CPOV

I was lost in the abyss.

Portions from 'the night' swam into my dreams, turning them into nightmares.

Then I felt warmth.

I felt calm, safe...saved!

An unknown force pulled me from the darkness like a train reaching the end of the tunnel. My eyes opened and they were sticky and puffy, a feeling that I was already used to from a night of dreams.

I knew I must have cried and screamed during my sleep, because my throat was scratchy, I just hoped I hadn't woken him.

Him... the pull?

I stretched and my joints popped, I felt like crap.

Looking at my watch, it's a little after six. I groaned. I was so not up to going into work today.

I emailed Clarissa, saying I needed to finish the article for the Journal. As the editor of said Journal, she readily agrees it's a priority.

I decided to use the downstairs bathroom so as not to wake Edward, he had a lot of sleep to catch up on.

I allowed the steaming water of the shower to knead my tense muscles. I dried and dressed in a pair of casual grey, mixed wool slacks and a black t shirt.

As I walked to the kitchen, I heard movement upstairs. Looks like someone is up, I thought.

Ten minutes later, I had a pot of fresh coffee made and batter mixed for pancakes. All kids love pancakes...right?

The sliding of a chair alerted me to his presence. I turned and suppressed a chuckle,

his hair was more wayward today than when I found him.

"Morning, Edward."

"Hmm…"

"Sleep well?"

"Hmm…"

I sighed. I didn't think I was going to get more than monosyllabic answers from him until at least noon.

I busied myself making starting on the pancakes. "Help yourself to an orange juice," I said as I gestured towards the glass fronted cupboards holding the glasses.

"Erm, could I have a coffee instead?" he croaked.

I nodded, pulling a mug from the cupboard beside me and handed it to him, showing him where the cream and sugar were if he wanted them.

"Thanks."

We both tucked into our breakfast, his eyes never left the table and I knew after working with all ages for so long that something was bothering him.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Talk to me."

He shrugged, carrying his plate to the sink. "How do you cope?" he asked finally.

"Cope?"

"Yeah, with what happened to you, and your parents?"

"You just do," I lied, crossing my fingers like a ten year old behind my back.

"How?" he quizzed me.

"You learn strategies, coping mechanisms." My heart was trying to escape through my throat; I couldn't believe I was lying to him.

"Will you teach me?" He arched an eyebrow at me.

"Maybe I can get you the help you need from the hospital?" I offered.

"Why not you?"

"Well," I paused, "I'm not qualified in that field. Most of the time I pass the chat people onto professionals," I tried to explain.

"Chat people?"

"Yeah, the one's I meet online."

"Like me?" Yes just like you, but I needed to save you, to bring you home safe.

"Yeah, I suppose."

"I'd rather you taught me, I trust you!" he cried defiantly.

Those three words cut into me like a hot knife into butter, he trusted me and I was lying to him.

"We need to talk," I sighed as I wiped my hands.

I walked into my study and he followed me, sitting on the settee while I made a fresh fire.

My hands visibly shook as I sat in my chair, causing Edward to frown. "What happened to you Doc?"

"When?"

"When your parents found out."

I shrugged. "Pretty much the same thing as you." Carlisle, he trusts you, stop hiding from him, I internally scolded myself.

He folded his arms across his chest. He was a clever kid and he knew I was stalling.

"Edward, it was a long time ago, I don't remember all the details."

Except, I did. Every fucking night I was forced to remember them in my dreams… the insults, the feel of the cold belt buckle on my back. I shuddered.

He stood, turning away from me to lean on the back of the settee. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I wanted to help you, I wanted you to trust me so I can show you that it's okay to be gay," I said honestly.

"I do trust you."

"I know," I whispered and suddenly the warmth from last night all made sense. He had been , he comforted me, he knew. , "I'm sorry," I whispered again, my voice hard to find.

He spun on his heels to face me, his face blotchy as tears ran down his cheeks. "Then stop lying to me."

I sank into my chair, and rubbed my face with my hands.

I felt the warmth again and Edward was beside me, his hand on my shoulder. "I heard you last night, Doc. I stood by and watched you burn in hell and I didn't do anything," he lamented.

I scoffed. "Yes you did." I gestured to his hand which made him smile.

"You called out my name."

I froze.

"You called me your saviour…how can I be, you saved me?"

"I don't know, but you did pull me out of the darkness. I felt the warmth of your hand."

"Tell me. Help me, help you." He sighed as he knelt before me.

"I was in bed with a friend of mine, we were both curious, seventeen and horny." I chuckled. "We had kissed a little, touched each other over clothes, but that was it. His cousin had promised to text once he saw my parent's car pull up the street, but as I later found out, father had a drink so they decided to get a cab."

Edward groaned and I nodded, "Yeah."

"So, we were lying on my bed, trousers under our butts and Ben hand his hands on both our… well, you know…" I trailed off, wondering if this was more information than I should be giving him.

Edward chuckled. "Seriously, Doc, you can say the word, you're a doctor and I'm gay."

I laughed. Cheeky fucker. "Okay smart ass, he had hold of both our dicks and he was stroking them when my parents walked in the door."

"Shit," Edward cringed.

"Yeah," I let out a dry laugh. "My father pulled him off, and then he saw the whole picture. He dragged Ben outside and dumped him then came back for me."

I could feel my knee starting to bounce as my hands became clammy. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath and let it out slowly before I resumed.

"When he came back upstairs I was till frozen on the bed, attempting to pull my trousers up." I sighed as the memory of his towering figure loomed over me.

I felt warmth and looked down, Edward was now kneeling close, his hand resting on my bouncing limb.

"He pulled out his belt and threw me onto m...my stomach," I panted. "He...erm, he held me down by his knee, said I enjoyed the position being the fag I was." My breathing shallowed as my skin began to tingle and tears began to fall.

"He hit me with the buckle of his belt; so many times I think I passed out. He even grabbed my ass cheek, asking if I enjoyed it," I sobbed. "Then I remember feeling cold and I was sat on the front step, his shadow over me."

I tried to compose myself, but it was too late. Drawing in a long breath, I rubbed my face furiously. "He told me I was dead to him and my mother. Then he closed the door."

I stood abruptly, knocking Edward away, and began to pace my study, trying to calm myself. As I turned for the third, maybe fourth time, I was stopped by sad green eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'm a fake. I have to write a fucking article on coping with PTSD and I can't even cope with it myself!" I sobbed, balling my fists.

Edward stood, closing the distance between us. "You're not a fake, you're coping the best you can. Fuck Carlisle, I thought I had it bad." He sighed and placed his hands on my upper arms...warmth.

"I can't help you, Edward. I was stupid to think I could."

Edward shook his head. "Yes, you can, and you have. But maybe you need a little saving too?" he suggested as he smiled tenderly at me.

I laughed. Had I really been sent to save this boy, or was he chosen to save me?

Whatever the answer was, I was truly grateful.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks so much to my pre reader Simplymatt and my amazing beta texasbella.

EPOV

I had felt so fucking guilty shouting at him, and even more breaking down in front of him like I knew his pain... I didn't.

I'd had a few days of sleeping rough, eating crap and yes, I'd cut myself during that time, but to me that was a sign of weakness. There were no marks on his arms, no signs of weakness.

I had thanked my lucky stars that I hadn't been beaten, I felt nothing for my family now, respect as my father so often told me, was earned not expected. Oh how right you were, dear father and yes, he's now dead, but I had been dead to him so much sooner.

We fell into easy conversation after our declarations of honesty, he made a light lunch and we were now sat on his patio eating, the new topic of discussion was about me finishing high school.

"Why can't I finish my studies at home? I have a few short months till graduation, I don't want to face them, not now."

"Them?"

"The kids at school, they already think I'm weird, I don't need their stares, their judgments, not now," I sighed.

"Edward, I'm not a teacher, plus I have to go to work..."

"I'll do it myself, Carlisle. Most of my lessons I can get online." He sighed, looking as though he was about to argue so I quickly added, "I'll even phone the school and ask to do all my exams online too."

He nodded. "Colleges?"

"Shit!" All of my college applications would have been sent... there.

"Edward?"

"My applications, they'll all be there..."

His brows knitted together, then the penny dropped. "Ah."

"Yeah."

"I could contact your mother, anonymously of course, and ask for the applications?"

"NO!" She would tell him to get rid of me, rid himself of the poison before I hurt him too. "I'll take a year off, find myself somewhere to stay and apply next year." I shrugged.

"Edward...I..."

"Listen Doc, I get that you want to help me, but you don't know me, you're not my parent...so..." I stood and walked into the house making for the stairs.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I answered, not turning around.

"I know I'm not your parent, I know I don't really know you, but if you give me the chance I'd like to, get to know you that is."

I turned at the top of the stairs, the sun was shining in through the glass from the front door onto his face, he really was quite attractive... for a thirty something.

"I was going to suggest you coming into the hospital to do volunteer work since we are always looking for people to talk to patients and help out, you know?"

I sat down on the stairs and said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For jumping to conclusions, for thinking you were trying to tell me what to do."

He chuckled, "It's understandable."

"Huh?"

"You're a teenager, isn't that what they do?"

"Oh!" I laughed, "You're funny...for an old guy."

"Hey, I'm not old. I'm only thirty!"

"Yeah okay, well I won't be a kid much longer I'm eighteen in..." My breath left me...I would be eighteen in a week. I remembered my parents talking about the huge get together they were planning, my present was going to be a 'reasonable car', whatever that meant, although I had seen my father looking at a Volvo! Seriously, I'd rather walk.

I felt a hand on my knee, stopping it from bouncing, "Edward, you okay?"  
My body leaned into his touch, humming as the heat from his hand spread through my body.

I stood and practically ran to my room, thinking, fucking coward, he wanted to know if you were okay and you just upped and ran. I slammed the door, pressing my back against the wood. What the hell was that about?

I took in deep breaths as my thoughts continued to toss around in my head.  
Why does he make me feel that way when he touches me?  
Why does my body hum when he is close?

Like it knew something I didn't.

Did I think he was attractive, beautiful even?

I heard his footfalls moving down the stairs and away from me. "Fuck!" I hissed, rubbing my face with my hands.

I decided to take a shower to sort my thoughts and try to calm down. I allowed the hot spray to massage my aching body, and found my hand moving down to my groin of its own accord and I gave in. Achingly, I slid my erection slowly up and down with my hand as my mind was suddenly filled with brown caring eyes, smiles and open fires.

My knees collapsed as I came against the stark white tiles. "Urgh... Carlisle..." I moaned.

Wait!  
What?

You're going to fuck this up, just like you fucked up your mother and me...

Came the cold tone of my father's voice... he was right, if I had been normal, I wouldn't have fucked everything up.

My fading pink scars glowed like a beacon... I am poison, I need to be punished, I don't deserve to live...

I rushed from the shower and fumbled around in my backpack that had been on the chair since my arrival. I found my swiss army knife and pulled open the blade, my hands trembling.

My father's voice echoed in my head.

"Get out." 

"I said get out, get out of my house."

"I gave you everything." 

"You are dead to me." 

Then the voice changed to my mothers as my hand tightened around the handle of the blade...

"Get out."

"You've killed him, get out!"

"You deserve to die, you killed him, you brought those evil words into our home...you...fr..freak!"

"Leave now, go and I won't tell the police it was you."

"Please, leave me alone," I whispered.

"Doc grab his legs, keep him still," I heard the rough voice whisper shout.

I felt myself being held down, but it wasn't warm caring hands, it was rough bear like paws holding onto my shoulder.

"Emm leave go, he's going to go catatonic in a minute, look at his eyes." This voice I knew, although his words confused me.

"Doc, he has a knife!"

"He won't hurt me..." Wait, what, of course I wouldn't hurt him what is he talking about?

"Doc, I can't take that chance. Ali would never forgive me."

Who is Ali?

I fought against my restraints but they held me firm, as darkness was pulling me under.

"Edward?" the voice was soft and familiar, yet sounded a million miles away.

I couldn't move, my eyes were open, my lips moved but fell silent. What was happening to me?

"Edward?"

I'm here Doc, can't you hear me?

"Doc, he needs Lorazepam."

"I know."

I need what?

Why?

I screamed out his name, but it fell on deaf ears.

The words around me were muffled , like I had my head in a fish bowl.

"Doc!"

"I KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS, EMMETT, DAMMIT!"

Emmett?

Who the fuck is Emmett, and why is Doc shouting at him?

"Carlisle?" This Emmett's voice was softer now, almost comforting.

"I can't lose him, Emmett."

"Carlisle?"

I saw the Doc shrug as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"I met him online..." he began and I saw Emmett's eyes widen "No! Oh hell no, not like that. He was on the chatline, he was so lost and I saw in him so much of where I was before Ali's father took me in."

Wait..so Ali is, family?

"You can't save everyone."

Doc chuckled and looked at me and then back to Emmett. "I think he is going to save me," he almost whispered as he looked at the floor in front of him and then back at me.

"I'll call the hospital, get the Lorazepam brought over," Emmett said as he sighed.

I can't save you! I screamed in my head.

My hands flexed into fists, yet my fingers lay flat on the comforter in front of me, I was being held prisoner by an invisible force.

"Edward, please come back to me, whatever happened, why you have the knife... we'll work through it." His voice was closer now.

Knife?

My eyes scanned the bed and the silver of my old swiss army knife caught my eye. Why DID I have the knife?

Because you're a fuck up...

Because you were too chicken shit to help out that kid so we could have finished you off, just like you wanted..don't you remember?

Cry baby?

"Edward?"

Doc! My lips moved, but still nothing, no sound came out.

Emmett walked back into the room with a small freeze box and handed it to Doc, who smiled sadly.

I watched in a terrified stupor as he removed a syringe, gently pushing out a small geyser of liquid.

He turned to me, "Forgive me, Edward, but you need this."

My eyes wouldn't close and I was watching every movement as the needle penetrated the inside of my arm.

I'm floating and I feel like I'm having an out of body experience...

Am I dead?

Did he just kill me?

Wait no, he couldn't have because now I could feel things, I could feel the softness of the pillow under my head, I could smell the clean crisp sheet that was covering me and I was so very tired.

I heard music and it was a lament, haunting... I've heard and played it a million times and now its grounding me, bringing me back


	8. Chapter 8

Cpov

I paced the floor of my study, sure I was going to wear the carpet out.

"Carlisle, please sit down," Emmett pleaded with me.

"I can't, I have to know what triggered it, what I could have done to prevent it."

"Maybe he can tell you when he wakes, but you know as well as anyone, you never fully understand what triggers these things."

I nodded, I knew he was right, he'd been there when I had been at my worst.

I sat down and rubbed my hands over my face.

"You look tired, you still having your nightmares?"

"Yeah, but not as bad as before."

"Does he have something to do with that?" Emmett asked as he thumbed towards the stairs.

"Yes, I mean, I don't know. He has this thing over me, he pulled me back, calmed me..." I let out a puff of air, frustrated.

"Doc?"

I knew what he was thinking, what he was going to say.

"Emmett...I..."

"Carlisle...he's..." I held up my hand to stop him.

"I know," I said, a little too bitterly.

"Uncle C?" a familiar voice shouted from the hallway.

"In here Ali," I called back. Alice breezed through the door and straight into my waiting arms. She was the closest thing to family that I had, since her father, my uncle, had passed.

She spent her days off helping on the same chatline that I worked on. She had yet to meet Edward since talking to him the day I was at work.

"What happened?" She looked from me to Emmett.

I shrugged.

"Is he okay?"

I nodded, and then the realisation of how close I had come to losing him passed over me like a suffocating fog.

I sat back on the sofa and began to sob.

Two sets of arms enveloped me, one tiny and one strong.

"Carlisle?" Emmett whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"You love him," Alice whispered, a statement more than a question.

"Ali, he's seventeen, and I've only known him, what, all of five days."

"Daddy fell in love with Papa the moment he saw him." She smiled.

"Ali," I groaned.

"What, it's true." She pouted. "And he was six years older than him!"

She was right, Alec and Paul had fallen in love the moment they had met. Even now, I could remember being so jealous that he was free to love like that. They had married soon after and then a few years later they adopted Alice.

It was cruel that she had lost them both so soon, another statistic of drunk driving. Alice, who had been ten at the time, was sent to live with a foster mother, Esme, a beautiful person inside and out.

"It's different."

"Why?" She stood before me, hands on her hips, the top of her head reaching just under my chin.

"Carlisle, we can't help who we fall in love with, just look at me and Emmett." She giggled at the shocked look on his face, then winked.

"Ali, it's just..."

"What? Different because we're straight?" she snapped. "The age difference is almost the same, give or take a few years."

She was right, Emmett and I had met in medical school. I 'd had a dinner with colleagues one night when Ali had stayed over. She had just turned seventeen and I'd known from the look they gave one another that there was something there. They hadn't made anything official, however, until she turned eighteen, a little over a year ago.

Now they were inseparable and had planned a spring wedding for the following year. Esme had been amazing, not once questioning the age difference.

But what they had, was that how I felt about the boy upstairs? Yes a boy, irrelevant that he would be eighteen soon, I was still twelve years his senior.

I had a strong unprecedented urge to protect him, but not like a father would a son.

I felt two tiny hands cup my cheeks, bringing them up to sparkling turquoise pools.

"Uncle C, I love you, I want to see you happy, like I remember Papa and Daddy were." Her eyes glistened as she kissed my cheeks.

"I'm so confused." I sighed.

"How do you feel when you look at him?"

"Calm."

"You have a strong urge to protect him," Emmett said softly as he smiled. "I saw that look Carlisle, I know that feeling." He chuckled as he snaked his arm around my niece's tiny waist. "I get it all the time."

Alice stood on her tiptoes where she barely reached his chin, she lifted her lips and kissed the underside of his jaw; it was so simple yet intimate.

"Love you, Boo."

"Boo?" I chuckled.

"Hey, you just wait, when you and Edward are all loved up, you'll have pet names."

"Okay baby, you are getting ahead of yourself, lets go before you freak your uncle out anymore." Emmett smiled as he pulled her to the door.

"Bye,Uncle C." She giggled as she danced back over to me and kissed me.

"Bye, baby girl."

"Bye, Doc."

"Bye, Dopey." I laughed. "Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you... for..." my voice cracked.

He stalked back over to me, towering over my six foot frame, he simply said, "Any time." He smiled as he patted me on the shoulder.

An hour later, after I had warred with myself and paced in front of his door repeatedly, I slowly opened it.

I took a moment to really look at him, feeling a little like a pervert, as I drank his body in. He was slightly bronzed, maybe from where he used to live, his body toned from possibly taking part in sports.

I walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. I allowed my fingers to brush the hair from his face, exposing his flawless, innocent yet beautiful features.

He looked so relaxed now, not the scared, rigid human being from a few short hours ago.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had happened moments before he had bolted.

!

I had touched him!

I had laid my hand on his bouncing leg to try and comfort him!

I had caused it, I had caused this broken boy immeasurable pain, to the extent he was going to hurt himself.

I will NEVER touch him again! I promised myself.

Then I heard it...

My name from his lips...

EPOV

I was having an amazing dream.

I was stood on a hillside, people all around me smiling.

My hand was warm, it was encased in someone else's... and no one was judging me.

I followed the hand to its owner.

Dark short brown hair and deep burnt crimson eyes.

He was smiling like it was Christmas morning.

He was smiling at me, and then others joined us.

They shook my hand, and his, as they laughed and joked.

He placed his hand on my face, and moved my damn hair out of my eyes and his touch was palpable, setting my skin on fire.

Then his hand pulled away, the hand holding mine loosened its grip.

No, please don't let go... I need you, please.

His eyes looked pained as his hand released mine.

Carlisle!


	9. Chapter 9

So here is the story I am focusing on, my others are on hiatus for the moment.  
I own nothing only the best pre reader and muse Simplymatt, and Beta texasbella. xxx

CPOV

"Carlisle!" My name sang from his lips.

My steps faltered as I turned to see his pained face, eyes open wide.

"Carlisle?"

"Edward?" In three short strides I was by his side and on my knees.

"I'm so..." he started to say, but I held my hand up to stop him.

"No need to be sorry, I should be the one apologising." He looked at me curiously. "I touched your leg," I sighed. "I'm sorry I should have known better."

He shook his head furiously. "You didn't do anything wrong, I...I...just."

"It's okay, Edward."

"No, I need to tell you, didn't you say I should talk to someone?"

I nodded.

He was right, I did say that, so who was I to refuse him his voice now?

"Can I talk to you?" He looked down at the comforter, suddenly interested with the pattern that he traced with his finger absent mindedly.

Should I allow this?

Should I let him tell me his innermost demons, let him think I could help him and pretend like he doesn't mean anything to me, like he's just a kid?

"I don't know Ed..." I started.

"Please Carlisle."

There it was again, my name on his lips, making my stomach flip.

"Not here."

He nodded. "Where?"

"How about you get dressed and we go out for a while, somewhere that is quiet?"

Somewhere away from all this, I thought, somewhere neutral, a place we can both feel comfortable.

An hour later we were sat on a park bench, eating fresh pastries from the deli around the corner.

"I like this place." Edward smiled as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

"I come here to think, when things get a little too much."

"Does that happen a lot?"

I shrugged.

"Carlisle, please talk to me, we need to talk if..." He stopped and turned away from me.

"If?" What was he trying to say?

"Never mind," he sighed.

"Edward, we came out here to talk."

"So talk." He smiled as he turned his words on me.

"You first," I chuckled.

"What do you want to know?"

Everything!

"Why don't you start at the beginning?"

He sighed and slumped down further into the bench.

"I moved here with...them...about six months ago, he had just come out of the military, so living in one place for a long time is not the norm for us, I found it hard to make friends."

I nodded, I had known how that felt, my dad being a pastor was hard, no one wanted to be friends with the pastor's son in case he told on them, how wrong they were.

"So when we moved here I started getting a little hopeful, that's when I met Drew."

"Drew?"

"Yeah a guy from school, my first boy crush." He chuckled as he let out a deep breath.

"Ahh."

"I thought he was into me, thought if this was who I was, why fight it. We played around a little... simple touches, stolen kisses... you know?"

His eyes lifted to mine and I felt a blush creep over my skin.

He smiled a crooked smile and I laughed softly, cheeky fucker.

"So anyway, I decided to come out to my parents. Drew had moved on, but I knew I was definitely gay."

"Wow, that's brave." I smiled with pride, I had been 'outed', I don't think I would have ever come out to my parents at such a young age.

"Yeah, because it worked so well."

"Edward." I moved to place my hand on his arm, but thought better of it. "It wasn't your fault, you can't be responsible for other's reactions."

His eyes were on my hand, almost brushing his leg.

"I know that now, but would it have been so bad for them to just accept me? I didn't dye my hair pink or get a piercing or anything crazy, I was still me."

He sighed. "It seems everything I touch turns to shit."

"No it doesn't," my voice was barely a whisper.

"Huh?"

"You said you saw me...asleep, dreaming?" My mouth was suddenly dry.

"Yeah."

"You touched my leg?"

He nodded.

I took a deep breath. "You pulled me back."

"Pulled you back?"

"Yeah." I chuckled as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"How?"

"I don't know, all I remember was being in an abyss, it was suffocating, then I felt a pull, warmth and I saw you," my voice cracked at the end and I stood and walked towards the old bandstand.

I stood there for a moment, peeling some of the paint with my fingernail.

I saw his hand move in slow motion to cover mine. The world stopped spinning for that defining moment, allowing me an infinitesimal second to enjoy his touch before it was snapped away.

"Carlisle?"

"Edward?"

"Please look at me!" I turned slightly in his arms, I wanted to pull him closer. What the hell was happening to me?

He looked at me through his long eyelashes, his green eyes intense as they held me prisoner.

"Carlisle, I'm going to be eighteen in a week!" he said, his voice breaking a little.

"I know."

He chuckled and turned from me, his shoulders slumped as he turned back, his eyes had darkened.

"Carlisle...I..."

"I know."

He took a step closer.

I took one back, my back hitting against the wooden wall of the stand. My eyes drifted from his down to his cherry lips, I imagined taking his lower lip between mine, suckling on it.

"Hey daddy, that old man there looks like you," a child's voice giggled behind us.

Old man!

Edward chuckled, a reflex I knew, I used to do it when I was younger.

"You think I'm old?" A stupid question, of course thirty is old to a teenager.

"Carlisle... I..." he stumbled over his words just long enough for me to move away from him. What the hell was I thinking?

I strode with a good steady pace back towards the bench, before I sat down with my head in my hands.

"You're not old," he said with a quiet sigh, coming to stand in front of me.

"I am old enough to know better."

"Carlisle?"

"We should go." I stood and began to walk towards the car.

EPOV

He was so close that I could taste his breath on my tongue.

The dream was still firmly planted in my head.

His hand in mine, us, together?

His eyes, locked on mine, drifted to my lips and back again.

His burnt crimson eyes pulled me down again, leaving my body gasping for air.

Then that stupid little kid had to go call him old and me, the stupid BIG kid, had to laugh.

He sidestepped me and made his way back to the bench. I had to fix this.

I told him he wasn't old, and he came back with his answer that he was old enough to know better, what ever the hell that meant?

"We should go." He sighed, stood and began walking back in the direction of the car.

I reached out for his hand as he moved away from me, holding him in place.

"We need to talk," I said with as much confidence as I could.

"Why?" he replied with his back to me.

"Because of what almost happened back there. Carlisle, you can't tell me you didn't want it too, that you didn't feel it too?"

He exhaled and turned but I didn't release him. He looked down to our joined hands and smiled.

"Edward, you're..."

"Seventeen, yeah I know!" I bit back a little bitterly.

"I can't."

"What if I was already eighteen?"

His eyes darted to mine, and the look said everything I needed to know.

I pulled gently on his hand and he walked a little closer, still aware we might be seen.

"I am eighteen in a week," I whispered.

"I know." He smiled back.

"Then it's settled?" I laughed with a cocky smile on my face. I made to pull away but he held fast to my hand, my heart jolted.

"Just so you know Edward," He leaned in closer towards me and he kissed my cheek, it was the lightest of touches as his lips ghosted over my skin, "I won't hurt you."


End file.
